Lynn's Paradise Cafe

Last January, Lynn's Paradise Cafe closed and, despite rumors to the contrary, will remained closed indefinitely. There are many reasons to get up in the morning, don't get me wrong, but there is one fewer now.

Dixie Kitchen & Bait Shop, 825 Church Street, Evanston, Illinois 60201

As a friend of mine once said, "A beignet is the lacey architecture for suspended powdered sugar." True that. There are too few places in Chicago that serve beignets and even fewer who do it well. The Dixie Kitchen and Bait Shop serves beautiful beignets.

I ate an enormous breakfast here--plates and plates of food. But, it was last June, so I can't begin to remember how much anything cost. I remember thinking it was cheap. I remember thinking that any single dish I ordered was enough by itself for most people to call it a hearty breakfast. I remember my table was cramped and uncomfortable. I remember my server was disinterested. I remember the room was decorated in early 20th century bait shop with the smell of bacon and coffee instead of bait.

I remember that those beignets, a couple cups of chickory coffee, and some orange juice were good enough to encourage me to drive the hour or so from my house to Evanston again. Yes, this is a place that has many dishes that would qualify for the perfection zone, but I'll have to go back again to really give them a score. I will return.

The Measuring Cup, 217 Barrington Avenue, East Dundee, Illinois 60118

Scrambled Egg Pizza with bacon and onions from Arlene Botta's cafe is a reason to get up in the morning. She serves it with other toppings, too. I'll be back to try other combinations. Both of us who follow my blog know that coffee is not really my thing, but I am enjoying the cup I have right now--sweet, hot, and blonde. Ha! I didn't mean that the way it sounds, but I can live with it.

There are 10 seats inside, and there are half a dozen tables on the patio beside the bike path. I bet many people carry out slices of quiche, cups of coffee, and pies. There's a pie on the chalkboard called Strawberry Explosion. Unless I'm weaker than I think, I'm going to wait until next summer to try that.

I'm certain that a half dozen of those Thanksgiving Turkey-shaped cookies are leaving here with me in a few minutes, but I'm not certain how many of them will make it home.

The menu here is simple. You can get a PBJ for $1.75. But I just bet kids love it as much as their moms and dads love the pot roast.

The Measuring Cup measures up well by P$4B standards. The tables and chairs aren't meant for long stays, but the music and ready access to the outdoors make up for it. My pizza starts the scoring at $6.45, but the base pizza is only $4.95. TMC competes in the perfection zone. I'm giving them 50 perk pennies for the alfresco setup even though I sat there for only a few minutes while I waited for them to open. If they had waited my table or been as friendly as they are known for being, they might have scored even lower. Think golf. Low is good. I'm cheap.

Bottom Line:  $6.45 - .50 = $5.95

 That's a wonderful score for a wonderful spot.

Benedict's La Strata, 40 North Williams Street, Crystal Lake, Illinois 60014

Benedict's La Strata
40 North Williams
Crystal Lake, Illinois 60014
(815) 459-6500

7:00 AM to 2:30 PM Daily
5:00 to 10:00 PM Fri & Sat only

I've heard plenty of good things about Benedict's La Strata since reviewing breakfast at their sister restaurant several months ago, but I haven't been there until today. What a treat! After a week of end-of-semester projects and assignments, Debbie and Shelby slept late. I did, too, but my idea of late was 7:00; theirs was more like 10:00. So, waiting until after 11:00 to get out of the house and eat made me ravenous. I'd planned a smaller, earlier breakfast at another restaurant, but how could I pass up the opportunity for their company and a breakfast abbondanza at Benedict's? The restaurant is in downtown Crystal Lake just a few steps from the Raue Center for the Arts.

Who cares what time you get there as long as you get there before they shut down for the day? The menu is extensive, so even though I knew pretty quickly that I was going to have the Goat Cheese, Artichoke, and Ham Strata, I had to wait for Debbie to narrate the menu and for Shelby to decide. He chose the Jambalaya Eggs with shrimp, andouille sausage, onion, and green pepper scrambled with cheddar cheese and topped with hollandaise sauce for $8.95. Debbie ordered the Biscuits and Gravy on two homemade savory scones covered with homemade turkey sausage gravy, served with two over-medium eggs and fresh fruit for $7.95. By all accounts, the food was hot, fresh, well-prepared, and good.



Goat Cheese, Artichoke,
and Ham Strata

Now, back to my Strata. Actually, I had no idea what strata is. Frankly, now that I know, I realize as I write this that I have no idea how to use the term.  Do I say, I ordered the Strata, La Strata, Strata, or what? Do I capitalize the S? Article, no article? Just as I decided to order the restaurant's namesake dish without knowing anything about it other than the menu used the words baked bread and casserole to describe it, I've decided to use the term with reckless abandon. Take a close look at that picture. I ate that. All of it. Goat cheeese ... artichokessss ... chunnnks of hhham ... chivvves ... onnnions, sprinkled with ppparmesan cheeese for only $8.95. If it hadn't been about 18 hours since dinner, that would easily have filled me up. But, I also had Cheesy Grits and Andouille Sausage. Shared that with Debbie and Shelby. The English Muffin you see with my Strata came from the Grits order. These are not mealy Mid-western grits. These are grits that were milled by the grindstone of my imagination on the banks of a mountain stream in East Tennessee, meaty and nutty. They might have tasted better if the sausage had turned my thoughts to the Pride of Tennessee. Then again, they might not have because the Andouille was savory, spicy, and ahhh. Debbie didn't like the coffee, so, of course, it was just perfect for me--sweet, creamy, and ahhh.

We waited about 10 minutes for our table, a very brief wait for one of the favorite breakfast restaurants of many people in McHenry County. The place was filled with happy people who were served by cheerful, helpful, thoughtful pros. I have to say that a place like Benedict's La Strata might have trouble competing on a blog that features cheap eats if it weren't for two things: 1) the service and 2) modest prices. They do a lot of things well. They haven't tried to cram a few more seats into the place to increase their profits. Their place is well-lit and comfortable. The menu is easy to read, and items are described without embellishment. Parking is more than adequate thanks to the public lots of Crystal Lake. By my mathematical calculations, that's $2.30 in Perk Pennies.

The Bottom Line: $8.95 - 2.30 = $6.65

That's a great score for a place that has so many hearty items on the menu that I'm positive there's more than one perfect $4.00 combination there!

Panera Bread, 730 Northwest Highway, Fox River Grove, Illinois

I've been a fan since I first ate at the Saint Louis Bread Company on Delmar Boulevard in St. Louis in 1986. Some of the best Sunday mornings I can remember were spent sitting outside down the street from my apartment in the Central West End on Maryland Avenue, eating a bagel and following the Cardinals in the Post-Dispatch in the early 1990s. I know the company has undergone many changes since then, but the neighborhood spirit and the quality of the food has not changed. Panera Bread Company has made artisanal breads available almost everywhere. My current favorite spot is just a few blocks from my house in The Grove.

This morning, I ordered my usual Panera Bread breakfast--Light Roast Coffee (sugar and skim), Asagio Cheese Bagel (Chive and Onion Cream Cheese Spread), and Fresh Fruit (watermelon). Panera's Asiago Cheese Bagel is a good reason to get up on Saturday morning. But here's the thing: Panera has stopped serving Sundried Tomato Cream Cheese Spread. So, I'm stuck with the Chive and Onion, which isn't bad, but it's not Sundried Tomato, the real reason to get up early. Frankly, I put cream cheese in the same category as coffee--one of those things that on it's own isn't very good but, with just enough other stuff like sugar and milk or sundried tomatoes, is motivating. I put Coke in that category, too, so cream cheese is in very good company.

What's hands-down the best thing about my local Panera is the community spirit. I spent three hours in my corner, listening to music and working at my computer without a single interruption or suggestion that I had overstayed my welcome. Often, they call me by my name. They always say hello. There have been many weekends when I've worked through breakfast and lunch there. Sometimes, one or two other people from my office come in. Often my wife and son.

The scoring for this breakfast begins with the entree, which is the bagel and cream cheese ($2.59) and doesn't include add-ons. But, I can't get my mind off what I'm missing at Panera--Sundried Tomato Cream Cheese Spread (50 Penalty Pennies). I really enjoyed my watermelon chunks this morning. They were very sweet and juicy, but they cost $1.99 for about a cup of them. The mark-up's just too high for me on this even though I know they have to pay the good people who cubed and packaged my fruit (100 Penalty Pennies). It's still August, and they didn't have to ship my fruit from far to get the very best.

The Bottom Line:  $2.59 + .50 + 1.00 = $4.09

This is about as close to a scoring a Perfect $4.00 as any restaurant has ever come, and I couldn't be happier that it goes to a place like Panera, a great neighborhood spot and business with a conscience.

Wildberry Pancakes and Cafe, 1383 North Meacham, Schaumburg, Illinois

Is 11:00 Sunday morning the best or the worst time to go out for breakfast? I had eaten breakfast early and technically this would be lunch for me, but Debbie and Shelby were heading toward blood-sugar level personal record lows with moods to match. I was, of course, my normal, cheery self. While I parked the car, they checked in and were told the wait was 45 minutes to an hour. After a terse mobile-to-mobile discussion of options, we decided to stay. I parked the car two spaces away from any other car.

While we waited to be called to our table, we sat outside in the sun, and I bet Shelby a dollar that Debbie would move the car after she got the keys from me and went to get her sunglasses. We moved inside when it got too hot, and the wait seemed much shorter than 45 minutes. They sell Intelligentsia coffee at a counter in the waiting area for those who are in need of mood elevation. I offered to buy a cup, but got no takers.

The three of us were seated at a table for four near the front of the restaurant, which is huge, so I didn't really get to see what the rest of the place looked like. But, if it's anything like the dining room to the left of the hospitality area where we sat, the restaurant is bright and well appointed.



WB Signature Berry Bliss Pancakes

I ordered the WB Signature Berry Bliss Pancakes ($8.99) to match my cheery mood, a side order of extra-thick applewood smoked bacon, and a small orange juice. A serving is five buttermilk pancakes cooked with whole blue berries, stacked with berry mascarpone cheese, and topped with vanilla creme anglaise, fresh berries, and powdered sugar. The dish is engineered to deliver big flavors, but the berries were a little too jejune for me, and I'm just not a fan of powdered sugar on my pancakes. I don't want to say bland because they were tart, just not quite full-flavored, and I haven't ever before had the chance to bust out the word jejune.

The bacon was very good, but again not quite what I expected. I've learned since I visited Wildberry that they like to pair sweet and savory flavors, and that's a food philosophy to which I whole-heartedly subscribe. But, when the bacon is described as extra-thick, I'm expecting something thick--fatback, pork belly, lardons. I'm from the South. As always, no one should trust my opinion of coffee. I judge it on whether or not they have enough raw sugar and milk. At Wildberry, no for the sugar and yes for the milk.

Our server was a gentleman and a pro. Serving our breakfast was not his first trip to the table, and his expertise was evident. My wife did remark, and I agree, that he was waiting on too many tables to be very attentive to special interests or questions. However, when my wife asked about the roast of the coffee, he returned quickly, albeit harried, to our table with an answer. It was Sunday morning after all.

We left the restaurant satisfied and walked to our car. With some cursing at a driver and cramped maneuvering of the car, my wife drove out of the parking lot. I told Shelby that he owed me a dollar.

If you'd like to see a really good review of the restaurant, watch this clip from "Chicago's Best" by Brittney Payton, my former student. Yes, that Payton.

Certainly no reason to add any Penalty Pennies in place that works hard to get every detail of breakfast exactly right, and any place that's as welcoming to Brittney as Wildberry deserves a few Perk Pennies. We'll call them Payton Pennies today in her honor. It's important to note that Wildberry Pancakes and Cafe serves an upscale breakfast with all the perquisites of a big, well-run restaurant, and that may keep them from reaching a Perfect $4.00 on our scale, but that should never keep customers away.

The Bottom Line: $8.99 - .50 = $8.49

Traveling is a fool's paradise.

P4B has had visitors from Russia, Italy, Latvia, the Netherlands, Egypt, Brazil, Guam, India, Germany. Even India, Singapore, and Indonesia. Mexico and Canada, too, but they're just visits from the neighbors, globally speaking.

When I surf other blogs, they have to grab my attention in about seven seconds before I click onto the next one, so I figure that's the equivalent of P4B spending seven seconds in Latvia.

Emerson may have feared being stalked in Naples and Rome by the giant of his unrelentingly stern, sad self, but P4B spent seven seconds in Latvia, and I'm good with that.

Where next? 100 in 365 spent seven seconds in Egypt!

So, P4B, forget Emerson, pack your e-trunk, embrace your friends, embark on the Cyber Sea, and wake up intoxicated with sights and suggestions. Maybe I'll go out for breakfast.

It's me, Technorati!

8BF456BRFPZB

Benedict's Eggs and More, 8 South River Street, East Dundee, Illinois

Just off the north section of the Fox River Bike Trail and a block south of Route 72 in East Dundee sits Benedict's Eggs and More in a former residence, I believe, that has been on that spot since 1892. There is a sister restaurant in Crystal Lake, Benedict's La Strata. Benedict's in East Dundee is cozy and inviting.

The walk from the hostess station just inside the front door to our table in what looks like the former home's parlor gave us a tour of the dining rooms. Even though the parking lot was three-quarters full, there was plenty of room at every table. Most surprising was the story that our server told us about the tree that grows through the dining room where we ate. With a little coaxing from me, she told us that the owners left the tree standing when they built an addition onto the restaurant around the tree, and sure enough, you can see it in the pictures below.

A Tree Grows Through It

Shelby and I sat at a small corner table next to a window that looked out on the front lawn of the former home. Very picturesque. The Benedict's menu is a book, and it took us awhile to browse through the choices. Since we got out of the house very late for breakfast, we had our choice of the most important meal of the day or the best meal of the day. Shelby chose lunch, and I chose breakfast.

When I said to our server, "I suppose in a place named Benedict's, I have to order Eggs Benedict," she confirmed my intuition. The best part was that she had difficulty choosing the one she liked best. I settled on the Breakfast Benedict from a section of the menu suggestively called Benedict's and Those that Think They're Benedicts. Country sausage served on English muffin halves, topped with two poached eggs and cheddar cheese sauce ($7.95).

 I should probably explain that I'm not from the Chicago area. I was raised much farther south, so I'm not really accustomed to cheddar cheese sauce. I understand that good people from all over the place love it on beef steaks, French fries, and all kinds of other stuff, including those dishes that think they're Eggs Benedict. Even though all the signs were there--the clever heading on the menu, the major ingredients--I was expecting Hollandaise sauce. It's not that I don't like cheddar cheese sauce, which I affectionately call cheese wax. I love the guilty pleasure of Cheese Fries or a Chili-Cheese Dog, but I have to prepare myself for it. And, as I said, I was prepared for Hollandaise sauce. Even though I feel guilty saying it, it was great, and the breakfast potatoes were a good complement.

Benedict's serves Intelligensia brand coffee, and mine was hot and fresh. I easily turned it into the sugary, coffee-flavored, warm milk I drink. Perhaps the company was right or the Cheddar Cheese Sauce went to my head, but I enjoyed my early afternoon breakfast at Benedict's Eggs and More. I suspect I'm not the only one to like Benedict's.

I'm awarding $2.00 in Perk Pennies for good service, the Benedict's community atmosphere, and the tree, of course.

The Bottom Line: $7.95 - 2.00 = $5.95



Brunch Cafe, 935 Rt. 22, Fox River Grove, Illinois

Friday night tailgate on the South Side and White Sox baseball has to be followed by late Saturday morning breakfast. Close by. Hearty. Not too heavy. This is when I like coffee--well, slightly less sweet, slightly more coffee-flavored, slightly warmer milk.

The Brunch Cafe is within walking distance of my house. The skillet I ordered was generous, and the coffee was mood-altering. I'm sure anyone who is a coffee aficion would say this was pretty good stuff. Most of all, Shelby was with me. Any breakfast with great company is better than every one without. Lots of chuckles about funny things said and done the night before. Inside jokes.

Along with foggy-headed snickering, I needed needed the taste of comfort, so I order the Meat and Potatoes Skillet from the Eggsquisite Skillets section of the menu--simple, hearty, and hot. Not much need for elaboration here--ham, bacon, sausage, and cheddar cheese with two eggs, served over what the Brunch Cafe calls brunch potatoes with either toast or pancakes. I ordered the eggs over easy and wheat toast. Coffee, of course. The skillet was $8.99.

The restaurant has only been open a couple of years, and it has become a popular place. Lines out the door on many Sunday mornings. The dining room is spacious, comfortable, clean, and very simply and tastefully decorated. I enjoy eating here two or three times a year.

For me, the Brunch Cafe misses, however, on a very important detail--community. That's what great breakfast places have, regardless of the decor or the cleverness of the menu. That sense of community is created by the people, and even though I'm not awarding any Penalty Points, I'm also not awarding any Perk Points for some very simple reasons. I had to wait for coffee. I had to ask for butter. Our server said when she handed us the bill, "Well, that's it for you boys," never pausing to ask if we needed anything else.

The Bottom Line: $8.99

Not a particularly good score for a good restaurant. The Brunch Cafe does many things well and has expanded to two new locations. I wish them well. I also wish they had the human touch.

The Bread Basket, 131 Park Avenue, Barrington, Illinois

I've been a regular customer of The Bread Basket since I moved to Barrington in 1993. I can't count how many meals I've eaten there. Someone once told me that the restaurant has been in operation since the 1920's, and I believe him. The Bread Basket is part of the community. Eventually, everyone goes there. Today, I got to introduce the place to a relatively new resident and do what everyone who loves the place does there--eat a square meal and talk about local issues, family stuff, baseball, vacations, movies. There was a table of gentlemen sitting close by who were planning activities for the 4th of July and the rest of the summer. Real community is built in diners like this one all over the country, and that may be what The Perfect $4.00 Breakfast is really about--building community.

The dining room has about 25 tables and booths tucked in close. You have to look at people around you to get to your seat. You have to talk to them. Good mornings are said. "Excuse me," someone will say. "Can I get you some coffee?" These are more than pleasantries at The Bread Basket. They're the fundamental tools of the trade.

I ordered the Main Street Skillet with my eggs over easy and wheat toast for $6.25. "No green peppers, please." "Of course, and what about you?" our server asked of one of the guys sitting with me. Simple. Honest. Professional. The food was good. The conversation better. We sat there for an hour and a half and talked and ate. There's no better way to eat breakfast. Any server who coordinates all that, whose presence never feels like an interruption, and who makes you feel welcome is worth at least $1.25 in Perk Pennies.

The Bread Basket might score a few more Perk Pennies if there were more space or if the chairs were more comfortable. But, then again, maybe it wouldn't. Maybe it gets the score it gets because the chairs are comfortable enough. Three of us sat at a table for four, but there's no way there was enough room on the table for even one more plate. "Excuse me," someone would have to say. "No problem. I'll just move this," someone would have to respond. "Thank you." "How are you doing?" Perhaps it gets the score it gets precisely because people are tucked in close enough to have to look at each other, talk to each other, listen to each other.

The Bottom Line:  $6.25 - 1.25 = $5.00

I know there's a perfect $4.00 on the menu here.

Richard Walker's Pancake House, 5680 Northwest Hwy, Crystal Lake, Illinois

Richard Walker's Pancake House is a family favorite. We eat there several times a year, and it's only negligence on my part that's kept me from writing about my experience there. The line can be out the door on Saturday and Sunday morning, but the service is quick, efficient, and attentive, even when the restaurant is full. We've enjoyed sitting on the patio in the summer and by the fireplace in the winter.

This morning, we went to breakfast as a family after a night of good cheer, so we went late--11:00 AM or so. We were seated immediately since the breakfast crowd had finished and the lunch crowd hadn't started yet. Nearly perfect timing for three weary partiers.

Shelby's theory about ordering the house specialty was formed at Richard Walker's, so he ordered a short stack of flapjacks. But Debbie and I ordered the Cherry Belgian Waffle, served with Cherries Jubilee Sauce on top of a golden brown waffle, sprinkled with powdered sugar ($7.50). Sprinkled with powdered sugar is not my favorite way to eat a waffle, but I forgot to ask our server to hold that. It's not so much that I don't like powdered sugar; it's that I don't need it to enjoy a waffle with Cherries Jubilee Sauce. There are few things that powdered sugar cannot make sweeter, but Cherries Jubilee Sauce is one of them. The sauce was a perfect blend of sweet and tart, and I don't use the word perfect lightly on a blog called The Perfect $4.00 Breakfast.

I ordered bacon and coffee with milk, and was thoroughly satisfied. The bacon was thick and cooked just as I like it--crispy on one end, not so much on the other. The coffee was--well, it was coffee, and I still don't like it that much no matter where it's served. But, many people who do like coffee in general have wonderful things to say about Richard Walker's coffee. As always, I prefer sweet, warm, caffeinated coffee-flavored milk. Funny thing is that the coffee's a big part of the story here. They got that right even for a guy who doesn't like it all that much.

Our server was fantastic, a pro--attentive, cheerful, warm. Both Debbie and I asked for milk with our coffee, and the second--I mean the second--she and I drained the first little pitcher, our server arrived at our table with two more. Our meals were served quickly, and everyone was satisfied. I think the mark of a real pro breakfast server is that one who can enter your table conversation with hot, fresh, good food and exit it without it feeling like an interruption. The three of us remarked that we were going to award major Perk Pennies for the service. I'd tell her name, but then other people might ask for her, and she won't be available the next time I go in.

So, what's perfect table service worth? I figure it's worth a 20% gratuity, so I'm converting that to $1.50 in Perk Pennies. We sat very comfortably in the main dining room close to the fireplace, but if we had sat on the patio on a beautiful summer day or near the fireplace on a cold winter one, I'd have awarded Perk Pennies for the atmosphere. There's potentially a Perfect $4.00 on the menu at Richard Walker's.
 
The Bottom Line:  $7.50 - 1.50 = $6.00
 
An excellent score for a topnotch place that gets all the details just right.

Lynn's Paradise Cafe, 984 Barret Avenue, Louisville, Kentucky

I waited a year to the day to revisit Lynn's Paradise Cafe, and I'm pleased that I did. As I said in an earlier post, this place needs no introduction to the world by me. Food critics, writers, pilgrims by the carload, and just about everyone else in Louisville has visited, and many were there on the Saturday morning I showed up. You'd think that would've meant I had to wait, but I was seated immediately at the counter. It was fun to see how hard-working, efficient, and joyful the servers are. They're an experienced, colorful, and lively group of professionals. Really the best part of the show was the smile on every server's face.

 



Kentucky Farmhouse Scramble

I ordered the same breakfast I had a year ago just to see if it was as good as I remember it, and my memory was right on target. This was pretty close to the best breakfast I have ever eaten. The patron sitting on my right had the Bourbon French Toast, and I thought I was going to steal a bite off her plate. I had the Kentucky Farmhouse Scramble, served with buttermilk biscuits, fried green tomatoes, and eggs scrambled with local cheddar cheese, chunks of ham, fresh diced tomatoes, and sweet red peppers. Although the price for the KFS is $15.25, our highest score is 10.00, and Lynn's is going to win many Perk Pennies. No need to order a side dish of anything. The price is all inclusive. The coffee is good, even for someone like me who doesn't really like the stuff. The orange juice is liquid orange--beautiful. The biscuits are huge and fluffy and made to melt the perfect blend of sorghum molasses and butter.

Lynn's is filled with a famous collection of ugly lamps, hand-made tiles, and tchotchkes. I couldn't resist buying bacon gummy candy, the only bacon item on the shelf that doesn't taste like bacon, according to the cashier, and a couple of gewgaws.

$1.00 in Perk Pennies to the staff for their sheer joyfulness, not the faux brand of many pretenders. Another $1.00 for the hostess who exclaimed, "There are still plenty of seats at the counter!" when she and I nearly bumped into each other in the gift shop. She had offered me immediate seating at the counter an hour earlier but mistakenly thought I'd been waiting that long for her to seat me. I assured her that she had been prompt, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Another $1.00 for the controlled chaos of the decor.

The Bottom Line:  $10.00 - 1.00 - 1.00 - 1.00 = $7.00.

The score could've been a little lower if my own server had been a little more attentive. My food came after my neighbor's. She could've updated me on the kitchen's progress. And I had to ask twice for orange juice. Of course, neither issue warrants Penalty Points. The place is Paradise, after all.

Windhill Pancake Parlor, 3307 W. Elm St., McHenry, Illinois 60050

My good friend Cheryl is a fountain of information when it comes to local diners in general and breakfast spots in particular.  I emailed her the other day to get her to remind me of a suggestion she gave me in the fall.  Her suggestion, The Windhill Pancake Parlor, was worth the 25 minute drive from my house.  And, the best part was that Shelby was with me.

The pancake parlor is down by the Fox River and features a Mid-western proverb and doodad decor. The owners obviously love the place. It shows in the decor of the parlor and the food they serve.

The menu is a book, and Shelby and I wanted to read the entire thing, so our server brought us coffee and juice and checked back with us several times to see if we were ready to order. This often leads to a server becoming less attentive, but not here. We were never overlooked. We were encouraged to read and take our time. We got a suggestion or two from our server.



My Cinnamon Roll Pancakes with
Shelby's Waffle in the Upper Left

I ordered the Cinnamon Roll Pancakes that the menu describes as "buttermilk pancakes served with a swirl of cinnamon roll filling in the cakes, topped with cream cheese icing" for $7.25, with a side order of bacon and coffee. They were simply delicious from the first bite to the last--sweet, cinnamony, hot, and buttery. There were only two things that could have made them better, and I had them sitting right next to my plate--bacon and coffee.

Shelby and I both remarked that we could taste the individual ingredients in our food--cinnamon, cream cheese, butter, eggs, and TLC. Is freshness an ingredient? It must be. Shelby ordered a Belgian Waffle, a side order of ham, and orange juice.

I'm not one to comment on the coffee in a diner since I don't really like the stuff, but this was good. I prefer my bacon to be crispy at one end and not so crispy at the other--just like these.

There are so many things to award Perk Pennies for.  Our server's attention was worth at least $1.00. The decor added another $1.00 worth of entertainment. No Penalty Pennies here!

The Bottom Line:  $7.25 - 1.00 - 1.00 = $5.25!

If I'd seen a delighted child have his food delivered by the train, the score could have been even better. I have a suspicion there's a perfect $4.00 on the menu here.

Jafi's Pancake House, 405 W. Liberty St. , Wauconda IL

In order to avoid feeling guilty for not bringing home any work and to make it appear to the family that I was going to the office, I decided to wander off my beaten path to look for a new breakfast spot.  Wauconda is close, and we've had some success there with dinner, so I went fishing for breakfast, thinking surely there was a hometown dive that served a good breakfast.  I found Jafi's Pancake House.

It takes a trained eye to judge breakfast by the building in which it's served, but this one set off my alarm while I was sitting in the parking lot--squat, plain, white, dirty, and open.  I should've driven away, but it was after 10:00, and I was hungry.  It's just a pancake house, I thought.  Those are hard to get wrong.

No need to describe the decor; every town has a diner like this one.  You've seen it before.  I was greeted cheerfully at the door.  Always a nice sign.  But, after I asked for a table upon realizing that the table in the booth the hostess offered was bolted to the wall, she paused for three full seconds to recalibrate.  Not a good sign.  It's never a good sign when the hostess offers me a seat in a bolty booth or the counter with bolty stools.  If you follow 100 in 365, my blog about weight loss, you know that I'm a generously proportioned guy.  Noticeably.  Girthy.  I need my table and chair to move on my cue.  Three seconds is a long time, too.  Count it out.  That's a long time to feel embarrassed by a 110 lbs. hostess. 

She seated me at a table in the back next to two tables of octogenarian girls celebrating Neeva's birthday.  Neeva's in good shape by the way.  She was a guest at a niece's wedding a couple of weeks ago.  "They charge you for everything these days, you know," she said.  They sold pink t-shirts that said Flower Girl, so Neeva had to buy one.  I couldn't make out her pictures, but they elicited a chorus of delight from the girls, and a string of stories about the girls' weddings, most of which must have taken place close to 60 years ago.  "They didn't have bachelorette parties then, you know" Neeva said.  But Neeva would've enjoyed that more then than she did her niece's.  I teetered between revulsion and temptation as I listened in on their conversation.  I suppose I would have felt the same things if they were celebrating Neeva's 20th birthday.

My eavesdropping was interrupted now and then by my own waitress who brought me one of the wateriest cups of coffee anyone has ever tried to pawn off on me, a short stack of buttermilk pancakes, and a plate of bacon.  Three pancakes in the short stack and five pieces of tasteless bacon.  When my waitress brought me the pancakes, they were coated in powdered sugar.  I hate that!  When I told her I didn't want that she stalled for the same three seconds the hostess waited to recalibrate and suggested that she could try to brush it off.  I asked her to bring me pancakes without the sugar.  Three seconds.  "I guess I could try that," she said.  Three seconds.  Then, she picked up the plate and left.

I worried about the pancakes that I was going to get, nibbled on salty wooden shims formed to look like bacon and sipped watery coffee.  You know that feeling you get when you try to finish a glass of water but you've already drunk enough?  I felt that way with the first sip.  That's how much water I'm talking about.  I've tasted better bath water, lake water, garden hose water.

The pancakes were chewy.  Real chewy.  I like fluffy.  Some people like chewy, I guess.  I heard the waitress tell one of the ladies that business was good.  Maybe I'm the odd one.  That's right.  They were sweet, too.  Too much vanilla in the batter.  A big, chewy vanilla disk.  The butter was frozen, and the syrup was room temperature, so the butter just sat in the middle of the disks, a pancake-butter tower, until I ate all the pats in one chewy bite.  A good bite, but only one good bite and some serious penalty pennies.

Bottom Line:  Short Stack of Pancakes $5.95 + 1.00 for watery coffee (which I believe was the cost of the coffee, so if you like watery coffee, here's your spot) + .50 for even trying to get me to wedge myself into that booth + .50 for tasteless bacon + .12 for four awkward three-second pauses = $8.07

The story of this place was the table of girls, not the breakfast.

Gave 'Em a Shot at a Perfect Score

This morning, Debbie and I went out to breakfast at  Eggshells Cafe, and I decided to give them a shot at a perfect score since they didn't score very well with the Country Benedict last time I was there.  Everything just seemed right.  That Shelby wasn't with us was the only obvious impediment to perfection.  I finished mowing the lawn in the early morning, took a shower, and avoided work by taking my wife out for breakfast.  Even though the sky was threatening rain, we decided to sit outside at a hightop table, something Debbie usually doesn't prefer.  She's short, so her feet often don't reach the rungs on the chair.  She was fine.  I should have taken that for the omen it was, but I just didn't.

Now, if you were to read my other blog 100 in 365, you'd know that I'm 25 days into trying to lose 100 lbs. in 365 days.  Doing pretty well, too.  Down about 8 lbs, but my butt's girthy, and I had to wedge it between the arms of the chair.  That lasted about 45 seconds until I wiggled out of the trap and perched on the edge of my seat.  For a moment, I thought I was going to have to chew off one of the arms of the chair to get out, but I realized that was a gymnastic impossibility for me.  People who have 100 lbs. or so to lose, and there are a lot of us, know exactly what I'm talking about.  When I pulled the chair out to sit in it, I realized it was made of aluminum and weighed about the same as a lawnchair.  Lawnchairs have tried valiantly to support my girth for many summers, but few have been up to the challenge.

A couple of summers ago, I sat in a very sturdy lawnchair, but it had narrow tubing for legs and feet only about the circumference of a quarter.  When I first sat down and put my beer on the ground, I thought, This chair's too high; I can't reach my beer.  Awhile and a beer or two later, I realized that my beer was getting easier and easier to reach.  At the end of the party, when I tried to pick up my chair to put it on the porch, I realized that I'd driven it into the ground a good three inches.  That chair's probably still there like the sword in the stone.

I need to be careful about what I eat, but one of my goals is to eat better.  To me, that means good food, not just dirt vegetables.  For breakfast, I decided to eat simply, chew a lot, cut back on the sugar in my coffee, and wash it down with water--a short stack of buttermilk pancakes, a side order of bacon, coffee with skimmed milk, and water.  Of course, there was butter and syrup, but I was able to forego the powdered sugar.  I'll get back to the butter in a second.



Sitting outside, talking to my lovely wife, the scent of rain, a fresh-mowed lawn at home, coffee--sounds good to me.  My pancakes appeared to be cooked in the bacon fat from my side order.  You'd think I'd love that, and I should, but when I asked for butter, something I shouldn't have had to do, there was--well--something on the edge of it inside the little cup.  My wife told me it was just some residual bacon grease from the spatula, and I tried to make myself okay with that.  If I had done it at my house, that's the part I would've eaten first, but something about it didn't strike me as right.



Eggshells' Pancakes

So, here's how I'm scoring my breakfast:  The pancakes were hot and good and only $3.25.  You can see how good this could get, but I've got to add some penalty pennies--100 of them for the seat.  My butt still hurts after only 45 seconds of exposure.  Well, exposure to the seat, anyway.  Twenty-five for making me ask for butter and another 25 for the bacon fat enhancement on the side and another 25 for my bacon being all stuck together.  Stuck together bacon wouldn't be a problem for me at all if I were making it myself at home, but this bacon cost me more than my pancakes.  Separate the bacon slices.

Bottom line:  $3.25 + 1.00 + 25 + 25 +25 = $5.00  All things considered, a very good score.  It wouldn't take much to hit the sweet spot with this spot.

By the way, I want to like this place.  The owners seem to have their heads in the right spot.  I wish them the very best in their endeavor to keep this place up and running.  It's very popular.  Try the donuts!

How Near Perfection Yet So Far

This is the breakfast I eat 5 days out of seven--Cheerios, blackberries, a cup of coffee with an equal part of skimmed milk and two tablespoons of raw sugar.  Yes, those are Honey Nut Cheerios, so the sugar content of the whole breakfast is exceptionally high.  The coffee's 71 cents, the milk 56 cents, 73 cents for the Cheerios, 1.39 for the blackberries, and 8 cents for the sugar.  That's $3.47 simply for the cost.  Now, I have to penalize for three things: 1) I put this together myself which means buying and preparing it. The only thing I like about that is that I get exactly the cup of coffee I want everytime; 2) I eat it at the office, so the service is bad; and 3) The ambiance is what you'd expect in an office.

Bottom Line:  $3.47 + 1.00 for having to make it myself -.25 because I always get the coffee exactly right + 1.00 for the cranky service + 2.00 for the bad seat (stool) and poor ambience = $7.22
Nobody should eat breakfast sitting on a stool or eat with a blue plastic spoon.  Have you ever seen a bigger mug of coffee?

Lynn's Paradise Cafe, 984 Barret Avenue, Louisville, Kentucky

Lynn's Paradise Cafe needs no help from me to get the word out that this is probably the best place to eat breakfast in North America.  There is nothing not to enjoy about this place.  It's worth a weekend trip to Louisville just to eat a meal or two here.  The wait staff is friendly, funny, courteous--quite frankly everything you'd ever hope to have in a favorite breakfast place.  When they heard my phone chirping and saw me taking pictures, they were immediately curious about "The Perfect $4.00 Breakfast."  They laughed about the premise of the blog and gave me a press kit.

I ordered the Kentucky Farmer Scramble with coffee and orange juice.  It's everything you see right here. I have no recollection of how much I paid for breakfast, so it's impossible for me to give them a real score, but I promise you that whatever you order here will be satisfying and delicious.

I'll be back in Louisville in June, and I'll make up for not reviewing the Kentucky Farmer Scramble as thoroughly as I should have, but you'll find Lynn's recipe at http://www.foodnetwork.com/.  That's not surprising.  Owner Lynn Winter and staff are just that generous.

McDonalds, Every 4 Blocks. If you can't find one, don't tell anybody because you live in paradise.

McDonalds doesn't count, except that Sausage Biscuit. What is that thing? It's a dollar's worth of what the hell! It must be made of butter, salt, fat, and cholesterol--my favorite things.  I only allow myself one every other week or so, but McDonalds will never score the perfect $4.00 because of the lack of atmosphere and poor service.  I realize they're not even trying in these categories, and I'm glad they're not.  I might not be able to resist several more Sausage Biscuits a month.

This morning, I had my favorite McDonalds breakfast:  a sausage biscuit and a small coffee with 2 packets of Equal, served in a large cup so that I can fill it the rest of the way with milk. The price comes in at $3.21, but I have to penalize them for trying to upsell me at the squawk box--1.00.  Another 1.00 penalty for not being attentive to me at the payment window. I have to say that the server at the pickup window was cheerful--not my usual experience at McDonalds driveup windows. She said good morning and how are you, but no thank you.  How do you forget that?  I'm not going to penalize her for the oversight.  Most people are rude beyond belief at the driveup windows, but I wasn't, and a thank you was called for.

That means the Bottom Line is $3.21 + 1.00 + 1.00 = $5.21.

Egg Shells, 596 West Route 22, Lake Zurich, Illinois 60047

This one's a keeper. I ordered the Belgian Waffle the first time, probably because Shelby wasn't with me, and I missed him, but that's not what I usually order for breakfast. The second time, I ordered a simple breakfast, bacon and pancakes. Also good, but Debbie order this breakfast abondanza called the Country Benedict, a cross between Eggs Benedict and Bisquits and Gravy. It came with donut holes and something else. I'll give you a full review as soon as I go back and order the Country Benedict.

I should let you know that this place has the potential to score below a Perfect $4.00. It's the only place I've been in the suburbs that can even come close. IF that happens, you may never know because the rules of the game preclude announcing a score below a Perfect $4.00 so that the place doesn't get cluttered with other cheap-skates. Only about 10 tables, so elbow room is at a premium.